Saturday, June 20, 2009

Reflection


As I wrap presents for my husband, (tomorrow is Father’s Day, after all), my thoughts turn to my own dad. I lost him last December. He had Alzheimer’s but usually still knew who I was. The end was painful to watch. I’m not sure that I’ve even digested or processed, or whatever the appropriate terminology might be, that he’s actually gone forever. I can’t believe it. He had already left in so many ways. But still. The little girl inside me wants her daddy back and I want him back as the man he used to be. This will be my first Father’s Day without him. I know it won’t be any easier for my brother or sister. Dealing with death and loss is such a peculiar process. It occurs to me, I may never get over losing him.

All Rights Reserved. © 2009 by Elizabeth Bradley.

13 comments:

lakeviewer said...

You will miss him on days like these; but, in time, you will stop hurting so much.

Carol @ TheWritersPorch said...

It's hard I know! Mine is 81 and as I prepare to cook dinner for him tomorrow, I wonder will it be the last? At 81, we know everyday is a borrowed one!You should go to Poetikat's blog and listien to the podcast of the poem she wrote for her father.This is her first FD without her Dad too! You can access from my blog roll! I hope you find a way to get through it in peace!

God of Another World said...

I am sorry to hear of your loss. May the sadness of memories also bring peace.

Marguerite said...

It's a very tough thing, Elizabeth. I have lost my mother and my brother, but I am so fortunate to still have my Dad, at 87. We usually watch home movies of happier times with them on holidays.
Sending you warm and positive thoughts! XXX

Woman in a Window said...

You never really do, Elizabeth. I lost my dad over 30 years ago but oddly I keep him close. It happens that way too, the binding of love even through loss.

Be well.

K. said...

So sorry for your loss...I can't imagine what that is like and I hope I don't find out for a long, long time...stay strong and I hope your memories of him bring you happiness!

Lauri Kubuitsile said...

Sorry about your loss Elizabeth. My father raised me alone and at 16 he contracted lung cancer and died. I was furious with him, feeling somehow he was taking the easy way out, and leaving me alone to find a way through. Luckily at 45 I've finally forgiven myself for my horrid behaviour. Not to go all spirit world-y, I do feel quite often that he is around and then I don't miss him as much.

K. said...

By the way, I changed my web address and people have told me they need to hit the "follow" button again to get my feeds...I hope you continue to follow me! Thank you!

Elizabeth Bradley said...

Thanks for all your kind thoughts. As you can all tell, I was a Daddy's Girl, it would be strange if I didn't grieve. It's a process. Like any other process, I must pass thru several phases. That's life. Hard to accept but death is part of life.

angie said...

Sending you a big cyber hug.....a bit late.....

momcat said...

My parents are 74 and 66 respectively and I am dreading the day I have to say goodbye. I have lost many beloved cats and I find lately that I'm battling to cope with the loss. I can't imagine how I'm going to cope with the loss of my parents. I still live close to them and I could never move away now after so many years.

Janie said...

My dad died several years ago and he also had Alzheimers. I guess we'll always miss Daddy and remember those special days when we were little and he was the strongest, smartest, most fun man in the world.

Sylvia K said...

My father died many years ago and we were never close, so I have a special appreciation for the love you have for your father. I know that you will always miss him. Enjoy your beautiful memories and know that his love for you continues to flow and wraps around you.