The Husband is pissing me off. We argue once in a blue moon. Currently we're having a disagreement and the resulting discord is causing me to draw back. I’m letting him have his way, even though he’s wrong. No. Really. He is wrong. But I am no mood to push back. I’ve been pushing back all my life in one way or another, and I’m weary. For some reason having my way just isn’t all that important to me anymore. A blaze that once burned bright is reduced to a little campfire. Encircling stones to protect the endangered flames, I sit quiet and wait for my spirit to return, searching the dancing colors well into the night, under the blue moon.
Conflict—there will be no story without it.
Do you enjoy a good fight?
Are you a pussycat?
Would you ever back down even if you felt you were right?
Do your characters act like you, or are they stronger/weaker?
Is it a conscious decision on your part to add conflict to your stories, or does conflict just appear organically?
All Rights Reserved. © 2009 by Elizabeth Bradley.
19 comments:
Everything is a conflict. Every thing. But when you are right, just sit back and feel the warm pebble of rightness in your breast and know that you have won...
I hate conflict with my husband. Sometimes being "right" isn't worth it for me in any conflict no matter who it is with. The older I get the less I care about being right.
But you are right (sorry for the pun!), there is no story without conflict. In writing I find there is natural conflict added to tell a story. It seems to come naturally? You have me thinking...
In person I enjoy an exchange where I feel I was able to say what I needed to, only if I was heard. I have found if I feel it isn't going to be productive to speak, I would rather not waste time or energy for what will not be changed.
Good questions!
Used to be, when I felt I was right (and he also) we would argue and then fight trying to get the other person to agree. It was a miserable way to live with someone you are supposed to love. I finally learned I didn't need his agreement to be right about something. I didn't even need his approval. We rarely argue anymore. We have days when things get pissy and then we just ignore each other until the moods pass.
Life is one conflict after another!
I'm learning to let go of a lot of the need to be right, competitive to the point of losing a relationship and asking myself the question, "How important is this to the course of my life's events that it can't be let go without a fight?"
Lots of my life's conflicts become part of my story lines and characters lives.
In my "overcooking" days I had to be right -- It took some time, but I've learned there is a better way.
Blessings and Hugs!!
I am learning to back down and let it go. Like you, I am a camp fire. Sometimes is just isn't worth it. My sense of balance is more important than winning. Ahhh it is great to be older. Really, it is.
I pretty much avoid conflict at all costs. It troubles me to get into fights or disagreements. The older I get, the more true this is. Trust me, I wasn’t this way at age 25, or even 45. Now, I’m a pussy cat. I don’t notice that my characters are without conflict. Maybe that’s not a surprise, since I know what it is, I can write it, I just don’t want to do it.
Best Regards, Galen
Imagineering Fiction Blog
I will not agree just to agree. I will, however, just let the subject fly over me for the sake of peace in our times. I used to debate at the national level; I'm not one to usually pass up stating my opinion; however someone may be able to change my mind.
Elspeth
I don't enjoy a good fight, or any fight. I'd rather just agree to disagree and let it go, which would end with the same outcome as an argument without the arguing.
No relationship is safe from conflict, it quietly breathes in corners unaware. Waiting. Hoping for an entrance. After enough careful observation it finds a crevice to crawl through.
My characters seem to find this type of conflict everywhere they turn. Even when I want to save them I cannot.
I don't get into real life conflict very often - unless it involves someone harming my family in some way. Other than that, I'm a mediator for the most part.
I love creating conflict for my characters though. And I love when they fight for what they want, what is right or just because. Go figure :)
I do not like fights but making up can be even better than if there was no fighting and sometimes it keeps boredom from kicking in. There are some upsides to fighting if there were NO upsides people probably would fight even less. But in fights there are payoffs.
No conflict, no plot.
Oh, it's never fun to have conflict in the house, is it?
I'm more of the get-extremely-irritated-an-then-pout type.
But every little scene in my books should have at least a teeny bit of conflict in them...even if it's just a gentle pushing back at my sleuth.
Elizabeth
Mystery Writing is Murder
I love conflict - it keeps the blood red! ... Well until i lose of course ;0)
I start out every story writing down each character's Goal, Motivation and Conflcit. It really is key.
Internal and external conflict is necessary for a healthy relationship and for a great story. I love conflicts amongst the camps of the good guys and the bad guys. These conflicts present opportunities for twists and turns or an escalation of events.
Stephen Tremp
Oh, the wonders of marriage! I abhor conflict, period, but it is especially draining in a marriage. I don't push back when I feel that I'm right and will not back down, unless it is in my best interest to do so. Which in that case, it would be called compromise. :)
Jennifer I'm impressed with your organisation. I always think I'm an organised writer but not like that. I let conflict develop naturally, there is no story without it.
I, unfortunately, love a good fight. My husband claims I start fights for the sheer joy of fighting. He unfortunately weakens early and gives in and then the fun is gone.
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